A spin off this article, brought to you in Keep flavor

There is a strong likelihood that everyone fits in at least one of these groups, including the Bashers themselves, hence the whole 99% part. We suggest not letting it bother you unless you fit into several of these categories, in which case you may want to reconsider your role-playing habits.

THE BRAWNDO GUY

These guys are the towering hulks who are obsessed with showing the rest of the room how big their penis is. They can't seem to get through the day without attempting to intimidate something and will consistently get into fights with other patrons, sometimes the entire room (the more the better), especially if other Brawndo Guys are within their vicinity. They try to make their attacks as unavoidable as they can make them but making sense or practicality is not a requirement. It's almost akin to watching male animals fighting for territory on the Discovery channel. They never have girlfriends in real life.

THE CHIMERA

As if it weren't enough of a stretch to be a hybrid of two races that are inherently opposed to each other, some individuals take it a step further to ascend into Chimeradom. These characters consist of three or more different races. And despite that they are only fractional parts of these different species, they have the full abilities of each. It is not uncommon to see at least one Human-Angel-Demon-Werewolf-Vampire-Unicorn-Fae-Saiyan-Dragon (Half). Who is also a Slave.

THE CRIPPLED ATTENTION WHORE

The Crippled Attention Whore tends to show up in densely populated places like the Pub or Main Hall. Typically female, male exceptions are notable. The latter are usually homosexual. The Crippled Attention Whore limps in day after day, practically missing a limb, hoping that someone will notice her and give her not just help but genial conversation. She usually can't get anyone to notice her otherwise.

THE DBZ FAG

There's a 99.8% chance of finding one of these at least once in your Keep career. These folks are the Super Saiyan 1389743947's. They usually like DBGT more than DBZ (and no one besides us probably gets the difference). The one with towering golden spikes on their head, astronomical "power levels" and attacks which can easily annihilate several universes should they ever desire to do so. It's worth noting that C and S were DBZ Fags, suggesting that there may be a way to mature from any one of the stereotypes listed here.

THE ELLIPSIS RAPIST

Commas... and... periods...? ... NEVER...!

THE FURFAG

For some reason that cannot be explained in a logical or sensible fashion, people like to make characters that are the product of a world where bestiality actually yields results. These individuals are always looking for a "yiff" (Wiki it). The players of these characters actually believe their concept to be something not worthy of ridicule and tend to be very defensive if you criticize them. Also, they actually believe they are their furry avatar on the inside.

THE GESTAPO

The Keep can try everyone's nerves. The Gestapo is the individual that has had it with the proliferation of demonic angel neko slaves and decided to deal with them in the most final manner he could come up with—extermination. Usually involving a healthy dose of powergaming, The Gestapo then proceeds to raid every room containing a member of the offending race in order to attack them with great fury and wrath. While The Gestapo may enjoy some success, he will eventually realize that his crazed, morally-ambiguous quest to destroy every single one of his targets is futile and his time is better spent gardening or raising a family. The Gestapo may or may not run in a group of fellow Gestapo.

THE JUNIOR MODERATOR

If you are a veteran of the Internet, chances are you've run into one of these faggots on a forum or another chat. These are the people that think they have the power to tell you to follow the rules when they really don't. The most minor infraction, like clarifying something in out-of-character speak, yields a shrill threat to return to character and obey the Acceptable Use Policy as though it were The Ten Commandments. These individuals are usually looking to get a position as a real moderator even if they will never be seriously considered as qualified for the position. Usually don't have a clue what the term "moderation" means. May or may not be related to The Rebel Without A Cause.

KALEIDOSCOPE EYES
For some strange reason, eyes that change dependent on the mood or intentions of a character have always been vogue. Be especially cautious around glowing red eyes -- the guy is either pissed, insanely evil, or both. Mismatched eyes are also popular, perhaps suggesting a dual nature to the character.

THE LURKER WHO DOESN'T LURK

The Lurker Who Doesn't Lurk is that jerk who just sits in the room and randomly comments on the role-play sessions that he's not participating in. This motherfucker thinks he's something wit, but it's usually only he who finds his snide comments funny. If he wants to say something people give a crap about, MAYBE HE SHOULD GET IN-CHARACTER.

THE MANWHORE

The Jock of the Keep. This guy is confident of his macho charms and wastes no time in flexing and posturing about the Pub, looking for easy tail that practically falls into his lap. The Manwhore is known to resemble Brad Pitt and possess a list of titles and accomplishments almost as great as his penis size (according to him). Jump his bones at your own risk; he's probably a hive of STDs. Might have overtones of The Brawndo Guy.

THE MAINHALL BUM

These people are pseudo-IC personalities that sit around in the Main Hall and bitch about n00bs, spam profanity like it's the coolest new thing to do, or compare e-pen0r sizes by bragging about how their paraposts were so big they actually had physical mass. They are somewhat identical to the OOC Lobbyist, but they usually don't like the latter and they're 1-year newbies with a false sense of entitlement.

THE NARCISSIST

Usually women but not always, these characters go into copious detail about how attractive they are. The writing generally wouldn't be half-bad if the subject matter wasn't so gag-worthy or frighteningly unrealistic. They normally spend the whole paragraph on description with very little action being done.

THE NEKO

Not really a Furfag, but in a way worse. This cat-eared, cat-tailed, otherwise human abomination is constantly horny and inherently submissive. Her profession of choice is Slave. See Pretty Gay for a Gay Guy (if male) or Vapid Whore / Cyberbunny (regardless of gender).

THE LAZY ONE-LINER

Just can't be bothered, man.

THE NOT-EVEN-A-COMPLETE-SENTENCE ONE-LINER

Before attempting to roleplay on the Internet through a chatroom, it might be a good idea to have a grasp on how to write a sentence. You think one-line responses are bad? Try one-word responses. This One-Liner might actually be seven years-old, because there is little chance that someone is actually this lazy.

THE STUBBORN ONE-LINER

The mortal enemy of the Paraposter. He is the guy they bitch, moan, and piss about—because he's stubborn. Usually an intelligent individual capable of posting more than he does, this player for whatever reason refuses to write more than the bare minimum that's required, or at the very least he writes less than his more peacock-like detractors. He is likely more focused on the playing part of "roleplaying" than the writing aspect of it. In idle conversation, don't expect poetry from this guy, but at least you can expect the conversation to be done in a timely manner.

THE STUPID ONE-LINER

Just can't do much of anything even if they try. He can't spell well, can't be bothered to punctuate, and can't even space correctly. Less annoying than a paraposter who does the same, only because it's stupidity in smaller doses.

THE OOC LOBBYIST / "VETERANS"

No longer a roleplayer himself, this individual is comfortably retired and now spends the bulk of his time chatting with his friends and bitching about the current quality of roleplay. Reminiscing about Ye Olde Days™ is inevitable.

THE PARAPOSTER

The Paraposter is a roleplayer that thinks that the length of his post is equal to his skill as a roleplayer. Therefore, he consistently goes out of his way, inauspiciously abusing such websites as Thesaurus.com, in order to extend the most inane, insignificant action his character makes into a three-part post with each segment reaching the character limit allowed for each individual entry. He may or may not be an amicable person, and he may not take the route explained above so rigidly, but chances are he's an asshole (The Para Elitist). The females are worse, as the majority of them actually get shrill and offended when you make the slightest implied criticism of their "talent" (The Shakespeare Wannabe).

THE BUTTHURT PARAPOSTER

Paraposters as a breed are annoying by nature. However, this close relative of the Para Elitist is especially vile. This is the cunt who will bitch at you like you kicked her dog or backed into her parked car if you post a one-liner in between one of the segments of her epic six-post entrance. Apparently, this sub-species of paraposter is as convinced of the idea that uninterrupted typographical diarrhea is equivocal to quality as she is that everyone will actually read it.

THE PARAPOST ELITIST

These pricks will, without fail, flood the room with giant blocks of text containing poor grammar and punctuation and get huffy when they discover the rest of the room is making due posting in easily-readable bite-sized one-liners. They genuinely think the number of words in your post = your I.Q. score. If you don't post more than a dozen lines, regardless of how inane it is to do so for picking your nose, you are not worth their time. Tying their shoe requires them to take more than thirty minutes describing it. Not everyone who paras fits into this category—only the ones who bitch about it do.

THE HYPOCHONDRIAC PARAPOSTER

Probably bullied in school and ignored by their parents. These people are the roleplayers that post above average-length entries with average grammar and generally have a decent character concept to work with. However, they are insufferably insecure and find it fitting and appropriate to interrupt the game with their OOC bitching regarding how "bad" their post was. They often do this after every single post they make—even if you don't find anything wrong with it—as if anyone really cares. Possibly related to Attention Whores and Para Wankers.

THE PARAPOST WANKER

Less intolerable than the Para Elitist, but they always apologize for making their posts a reasonable length. They're always hoping to become the Para Elitist one day, and chances are many of their peers are, but they lack the doucheness to achieve this dream. They may be forever trapped in the Abyss of Actual Decent Writing That Doesn't Immediately Bore Reasonable People.

THE PRETTY GAY FOR A GAY GUY

Usually more girly than most girls, incredibly small (under 5'6"), and usually played by teenage girls. These fruitcakes normally hang out in the Cafe in hopes of getting some quick tail and the type of male attention and acceptance their female counterparts can never receive. They're about as manly as a vegan burger.

THE QUANTUM QUEER

A dunce who insists to everyone that he isn't a powergamer, but then needs to resort to arguing complex and theoretical para-physics when someone questions the feasibility of his attack. he's very fond of the Arena, since there they can flex his big shiny muscles. Usually a close demonic cousin to the Brawndo Guy.

THE QUOTER
Routinely places quotes they find amusing in their profiles for you, so you can either laugh with them or at them.

RAPED -- NO BIGGIE
Rape is routine for some characters and is usually as traumatizing as catching a common cold. Expect no permanent character development, persistent grudges, or even long-lived angst. It's the surprise sex you didn't know you wanted. This is easily subverted and hardly universal, however, but seems unusually common in same-sex circles.

THE REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE

The rebel is a troll naturally inclined against authority figures (unless they like them, or they're the said authority figures) and complains about what the mods do whenever he gets the chance, regardless of how nitpicky or overblown the accusation is, then proceeds to apply for a moderator job themselves under the delusion that they know how it's supposed to be done. Usually they last half as long. Unusually prone to power abuse themselves.

THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD

Sitting at The Right Hand of God is never as good as being The Right Hand of God. Deluged in a sense of self-righteous zealotry, this individual believes it is His Solemn Duty to command and control the entirety of all roleplay that comes under His Divine Observation. He always takes thirty minutes to post because He is The Chosen One and The Pinnacle of Paraposter Evolution. Everything is serious business and may Whatever Divine Being You Pray To help your sorry ass if you don't agree. Often maintains a free, inactive forum of poor design and layout for his ten actual followers.

THE SHAKESPEARE WANNABE

The Shakespeare Wannabe seems to be convinced he's an excellent writer when he isn't. This individual likes to rape the thesaurus and with it his syntax. He uses words in an archaic sense and seems to be unaware that the whole point in language is communication, not showing how learned and incomprehensible you may be.

THE SLAVE GIRL

Dime-a-dozen. 99.9% of slaves are female in the Keep even if they're poor choices for manual labor, because you'd be an idiot if you thought these girls are for manual labor. They're usually identical to Vapid Whores / Cyberbunnies in their motivations, but they also usually suffer from amnesia, were sexually abused at a very young age, and mentally broken and willing to do anything. There's a strong likelihood for bondage fetishes.

THREE-DAY CHILDHOOD
Don't expect pregnancies to last longer than two months and don't expect the child to remain a child for long -- even if they haven't learned to read, walk, talk, go to the potty, etc.

UNCLE PENNYBAGS

This guy won the lottery, worked at Enron, or cornered the market on bottled water. Whatever he did, this guy is fucking rich. In fact, he is so fucking rich that he has no problem giving vomitously grotesque sums of money to the first random stranger that looks like she remotely needs it. Usually in unmarked bills, because everyone who's anyone carries that much crisp, fresh-cut cash with them. Oftentimes his resources aren't limited to money alone. Need a tank? Have twenty. A flight? Use my gold-plated personal jet. If you need refuge, there's always room for you in Brokeneconomistan, my own third-world country!

THE UPDATER
Players who record every significant thing (or not so significant) that happens to their characters in their profile, assuming there's people who care to keep up-to-date. Maybe there is.

VAMPIRES

Stop making them.
EDIT: Especially the sparkly ones.

THE VAPID WHORE / CYBERBUNNY

Anyone should be able to spot these guys and girls. How much personality these character sports seems to be correlative to how short and illegible their profiles are. The bigger the cup, the smaller the brain.